The Charged Life

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SUMMARY:

Are you stuck in analysis paralysis? Is there something you should be doing, but but you consistently find that you are not taking action? Here’s what to do:

Look Beyond Yourself and Serve. Stop worrying if you’re good enough,  ready enough, or getting everything perfect in order to start. Look beyond yourself and realize your taking action can help others - your family, your team, your business and community. Serve! The way to get out of your head is to get in motion serving other people. 

Clarify your vision and work backward. What does your ultimate outcome look like? What would you define as success? How will you know when you’ve reached your goal? Once you have that vision clear in your head, work backwards from that to define the process to accomplish it. You don’t have to know every step, just a step.

Accomplish 3 things every day. Just take three steps every day. If you don’t know where to start, try modeling others. What path did they follow? What are their habits? What do they seem to do every day or weekly?

Daily Practice. If something is important to you, it needs to become a constant in your life. You need discipline and the willingness to show up every day and work towards it. Put it in your calendar and do something every day. The momentum of that will teach you to stop stalling.   

Do that, and you’ll start to experience what we call The Charged Life!

Stream this episode below, listen on iTunes, or right-click here to download.

TRANSCRIPT

Analysis paralysis.

Why is it that sometimes you know what you should be doing but you just kind of keep reading about it or listening about it or going to seminars on it or reading books or blogs or posts or following people but you’re consuming all this information and not taking action?

And you keep thinking… “Why do I just I keep stewing on it, I keep thinking about it but I’m not doing anything towards it? What’s going on? Why am I spinning my wheels studying all the time and not taking real action?”

Let’s talk about that.

First and foremost, I’m going to say something that you’re not going to like but out of these four ideas I think this is the most important one, to kind of grab somebody and rattle them a little bit when they’ve been dreaming about something or thinking about something or studying it but not taking action.

And so, let me say it lightly but kind of directly, and that is: They’re selfish.

They’ve gotten into a place where all they’re thinking about is themselves in this process.

·      Do I know enough?

·      Am I good enough?

·      Am I ready?

·      What will people think of me?

·      Do I have the complete plan?

·      Have I taken out all the risks and all the unknowns?

·      Have I considered every angle from Sunday?

They’ve done everything they could possibly do to control what is ultimately the uncontrollable.  But worse, they got their perspective too myopic. They’re just focused on themselves. 

To move someone forward, we have to have them have a greater connection with why they’re doing it. The reason a lot of people haven’t taken action is because they’re just so focused on themselves and they’re minimizing themselves… doubt, concern, fear, worry, hurt, they forgot to serve!

You wanna take more action? SERVE!

Think about: What is the outcome of when I do this, who is it gonna help?

How is it going to change their life? How is it going to shift society? How is it going to make that difference?

Connect with that again! 

You’ve got too much in your head and out of the outcome. You’ve gotta get your head back in the outcome because when you start attaching to the difference, to the real magic, and you know it’s going to help somebody, your brain goes “Hey dummy! Do something here, you gotta help some people.” 

And you’ll get off of that rotation of self concern. It is the self concern that is really fueling the analysis paralysis. 

We gotta get you back into service because you know what? Leaders do. You know what?

Those who are out there trying to serve the world, trying to make a difference, they do the difficult work even when they’re unsure, even when they’re unready, even when they don’t have all the information they need because it’s their job to help people. So they just get in the mix. Let me help you, I don’t know all the answers but let me try to help you over here.

They’re serving others and from that higher calling, that higher mission, that higher purpose, they’re ready to get in the game even if they don’t know exactly how the game works, even if they don’t know all the controllables. They just get in the game. Because they want to help.

So we gotta get that serving spirit back into your body and into your mind if you’re ever going to move beyond analysis paralysis. There’s a bigger game to play. There’s people waiting on you, who need your help. Get over your stuff and help them.

I think that will serve.

The second idea is to clarify: What is your vision and the process necessary for making that vision come true? Because sometimes analysis paralysis is that you just don’t feel competent or clear. It’s just like, you know you want to help people, but you aren’t exactly sure what you’re supposed to do or how to do it. So what I’d recommend is think about the ultimate outcome when someone’s life is changed, if that’s what you’re seeking to do, or a business is built or something is actually in motion happening. What’s that look like? I mean, in a detailed level, what is the ultimate outcome look like? In other words, how do you know when you’ve won? How do you know when you’re happy with it? It’s the success, it’s going well. How do you know? What conditions would have to be met? What would your day be like? What would the business be like? What would the impact be like? Really think about that and then work backwards from that.

Ok, If the outcome is “My business is running without me, but I find myself doing all this analysis paralysis, I don’t know what to do”, well the problem is there’s this disconnect. Business runs without you, you’re researching but there’s nothing happening in between because you’re not working backwards.

Let’s work backwards: Ok, business runs without me.

What does that mean? Well it means income is coming in.

Ok, where is the income coming from? Well it’s coming from automation and my team.

Ok, so I need to automate things and create a team.

Well, how do I do that? And you just keep working backwards to today.

And that’s what’s really important. Is if you feel like you’re just spinning your wheels it’s because you don’t have a clear plan and outcome. So sit down today, create that plan, create that outcome and start working it. All the way back to today.

What’s step one? A simple thing to do that, to help you with that is this next point. And that is just accomplish 3 things every single day to move forward to that outcome and plan. 3 things every day. That’s it.

It’s like, you say

-       “You know what? I’m still uncertain, I still don’t have all the variables.”

-       Great! What’s the 3 things you did today?

-       Uhhhh…

That’s where you get people. Just take 3 actions every single day and things will be great. A lot of people say “I don’t know what to do”, well that comes into now once you have the service in mind, you have the outcome and the process, sometimes you need to model other people.

What else is other people doing? And if you’re uninformed with that, it’s hard to know the path. Sometimes what you need to do, you need to go to a seminar or conference from somebody or a group of people who are doing the same thing you want to be doing. Sometimes that means getting a coach or a consultant who already has the path figured out and can serve you in that process. Sometimes that means as simple as just networking around town to figure out who else is kind of doing this who I can take out to lunch and ask them about their process. Sometimes just modeling others will give you that motivation because you’ll have more clarity and perspective to begin.

Then last piece… It has to become a daily practice for you. If there’s something that is important to you, a lot of the analysis paralysis is…. Stop blaming analysis ‘cause it’s really your brain is not the problem… it’s the discipline, it’s the willingness to show up every day and work towards something. That’s why I say those 3 goals, or accomplishing 3 things every day is really important, but I really want to fine tune this year for you and make sure you’re hearing me.

Every day.

That the problem with analysis paralysis is that it happens more often for us the less often we do things. Does that make sense? You get stuck more often when you’re not moving more often. I know it’s almost like you have to kind of think about that ‘cause there’s a little irony there, but the reality is that if you find yourself stopping and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking it’s because you’re not in motion enough and we need to get you in motion again and the only way to get you in motion again is to make sure you have a daily habit that is keeping you moving forward to that thing you want to make happen. 

Look, the analysis paralysis, if it’s a mind game then I get it, then maybe you just have this problem that you’re constantly always in your head. The way to get out of your head is to get in motion serving other people.

Do that and you’ll start to experience what we call, The Charged Life!

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SUMMARY:

Few people report having one, singular life purpose. That’s a myth that grew out of the time in which we were trapped in the jobs of the tribe or village; you had to choose to be a baker or a blacksmith, and because you died young, in your 20s or 30s, you had to choose quickly. 

Today, there’s more opportunity, no borders, and longer life-spans. So you’ll have multiple purposes and missions throughout life. Here’s how to narrow them down to what matters:

Live the best quality of life that you can. This should be one of the main missions for us all, don’t you think? Make it a priority to grow and excel in your health, relationships, career, finances, spirituality, hobbies. Improve each of these areas and you’ll start to feel on purpose.

Follow your interests. Whatever you are deeply curious about is worth exploring. So, whether it’s design, photography, fashion, food, or coding, go down the wormhole. Explore your passions with enough verve and you will find what is right for you. 

Allow yourself to transition from one thing to another. To find your most meaningful mission, you’ll have to try a few out. Give yourself permission to move between jobs, careers, companies, and passionate pursuits. The only boundaries are boundaries of belief.

Serve! You can travel the world looking for some magnificent purpose, but after all the belly gazing the truth that always emerges is this: by serving others we feel more purposeful. So just look around you and ask, “How can I help?” In the spirit of service we will soar to our full potential.

Be bold, bounce around, try new things, discover what is important to you, and suddenly you’ll start to feel what we call The Charged Life!

Stream this episode below, listen on iTunes, or right-click here to download.

Transcription

Let’s talk about your life’s mission, your life’s purpose. What you’re here to do.

If you know what that is, phenomenal. That’s incredible and congratulations because so few people will ever find that but I also want to rattle it a little bit if you think you know what it is and also make it okay if you don’t know what it is.

There is this big myth that all of us have to have this one narrowly defined mission on the planet. And I’m not sure that that’s so true. And if you track it back into the times of philosophy or you track it back into times of the more of the modern era, you start to see: It really started to emerge as a big conversation really around that time when people were supposed to be apprentices in little villages.

That time they’re really animated in the popular culture was when it was all about the industrial revolution. Figure out your niche, your skills, the thing that you were supposed to do and I don’t see that as relevant today where you have so many people who are doing multiple passion projects that they are:

·       Deeply engaged with,

·       They find meaningful,

·       They find fulfilling, and

·       They’re difficult to put on a business card as one thing.

I actually believe that as cultures continue to become more developed. As the worldwide global sort-of phenomenon happens of freelancers, of very flexible workplaces and work ideas that we will start to see more and more people getting away from this idea that they have to be one thing. You don’t have to be or do just one thing.

A lot of the great leaders, scientists, thought leaders of the past, they did lots of things; they had lots of goofy passions. Einstein didn’t just do one thing. He actually had an incredible diversity of interests. So did Leonardo da Vinci and so did Michelangelo, so does Bill Gates. Come on, it’s like very few people have just this one thing.

They might become known for one thing but as you see the more wealth someone gets, or the more influence they get, the more they tend to diverge out into multiple areas of interests that draw their passion, and it’s hard to just define what’s their one mission.

Today, with so many opportunities, I think it’s not about just one mission because you’re going to have lots of missions that you go on in your life. But rather, it’s about finding messages that are important to you. Things that you say, “I believe in that message and I’m going to support it in every way I can. And I believe in this over here too. I’m going to support it in every way that I can. And I believe in this project. And I’m going to support it in every way I can.”

It’s important to have a diversity of interest and missions in life, I believe. But to those who say, “No, you got to have this one thing. Brendon, I feel so lost and confused, I got to have a thing. What’s my thing?”

Well, here’s some ideas for you:

First and foremost, if you’re looking for one defined mission in your life, make it this: To live the best quality of life that you can. And what that means is it’s going to be not just focusing on one thing, it’s going to look at your overall life.

What do I mean by that?

- Well, when you think about your life, there’s so many areas of your life, right?

·       You’ve got your health.

·       You’ve got your relationships.

·       You’ve got your intimate relationships, if you have one.

·       You’ve got your finances.

·       You’ve got your spirituality and your practices.

·       You’ve got your hobbies.

·       You’ve got your ability to do something, to have a job or a career or a mission or a purpose.

·       You’ve got all these 7 or 8 major areas of your life.

I think that everyone’s missions should be, “How can I grow in each of those areas and live each of those areas by my own standards, by my own ambitions; contributing what I really desire in this area?”

·       How can I optimize my health?

·       How can I optimize what I do during the day?

·       How can I optimize my relationships?

It’s that idea that we can all grow and develop a greater level of self-mastery in all areas of our life. And I often tell people, if you start optimizing all the different areas of your life, the mission begins to emerge. Because what you’ll have to go through to improve each of those areas of your life will start connecting you with

·       New learning,

·       New ideas,

·       New mentors,

·       New role models.

And in that process, you’ll start to see more things because it’s hard to have a mission in life if you’ve never seen anything. So, what I always tell to high schoolers or college graduates or something, “Go out and see stuff. See that world. Go explore a little bit.”

It’s hard to say, “Well, here’s what I’m supposed to do if you’ve never seen anything.”

So, go try a bunch of different things.

I would say, “Also, follow your interests.”

If you’re deeply curious in your off-hours; you’re paying attention to photography or you find yourself always so fascinated by this one topic—whether it’s fashion or music or the arts, or whether it’s geeking out and coding on cool stuff. It’s like whatever it is that you’re just passionately interested in,

·       That interest might develop into a calling.

·       That interest might be worth exploring.

That interest … like go down the wormhole. Don’t be scared of it. You’ll be like, “Oh wow, I’m really, I’m interested in this for some reason. I wonder if I can do an internship on that. I wonder if I can get a job in that.” And really or do something to earn some revenue doing something like that.

Like really get passionate about your interests and as you do that, you’ll start to find out what’s really right for you. And sometimes, after doing something right for you long enough and being rewarded for it, you say, “This is my thing. This is what I’m supposed to do.”

I’m sure the last idea is that: If you can free yourself at this point in your life to allow yourself to transition from one thing to another, you’re more likely to find the mission. A lot of people never find the mission if that really exists because what ends up happening is they get stopped and blocked and stuck into doing one thing. And they’re scared to transition.

Those who tend to find their real mission; if you talk to them, they transition to a lot of different things. They had a lot of different interests and they weren’t scared to bounce from:

·       One job to another,

·       One career or company to another.

·       One passionate pursuit to another.

In other words, they tried a lot of things; they had a lot of resilience and a lot of self-reliance in trying new things and bouncing back from those things that didn’t work.

And so, if you just feel totally stuck in, “I just have no idea what I’m supposed to do”, then what you’re supposed to do is change.

If you’re at that place where you’re just like, “I am so confused about what I’m supposed to do”, you need to shift. You need to get into your heart, into your head, into your spirit and say, “What would be something that would draw my passion right now? What can I be really interested in?” And bounce. Go to that thing. Try that thing. Really get into it because, if you’re stuck, you’re never going to find it.

Oh, and bonus idea for you. If you don’t know what your mission is, you’ve pursued all your passions, you’ve gone down the wormhole of your interests, you’ve seen the world and you still don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing—a simple thing: Ask how you can help.

Sometimes we think we’re going to figure it out in some esoteric, amazing moment of “Woaaaa!  I found my calling or my passion.” You’re like a certain day, you’re going to walk out the door and the piano of purpose lands on you. It might not happen that way. You might not actually be able to figure out your mission or your purpose until you serve, until you help people.

So, on your personal journey, to try and figure out what you’re supposed to do, don’t forget to stop and ask others, “How can I help? Do you need anything?” Sometimes, in those moments of service and helping other people, we get our greatest levels of transformation and clarity.

I hope that serves you and I hope that you find a little piece of your own mission in this world whether it’s multiple missions, or it’s one message or multiple message, or it’s one grand unifying thing that enlivens you every day. Whatever it is, once you feel like you have tastes of those, once you know you have some of those, follow them, put your whole heart into it, go at it with full excitement and engagement, and you’ll start to have what we call, The Charged Life.

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SUMMARY:

How to be a role model:

1. Be there fully for people. Be emotionally present and available to others. This is the opposite of looking at your phone or thinking of other things when people speak with you. Influencers are vibrantly present with those they meet and lead. Also, be there consistently for others - not just when it’s convenient and transactional. Be steady and available for people over the long term and they look up to you.

2. Project positive energy. Find the good or positive intent and lesson in all experiences, even those that appear negative. Put a positive vibe out to others by seeing them and mentally saying and projecting, “I wish you joy, abundance, love and health.” We look up to those who wish us well.

3. Help others discover their truths. Ask questions and get people thinking about what is important for them. Influencers teach us how to think by posing questions, helping us explore our thoughts and dreams, focusing on our stories and interpretations.

4. Just get it done. To make a difference in other people’s lives, first you have to show them how you make a difference by being proactive. When people see you struggle, achieve your goals, and rise from adversity, they will be inspired by you.

The world needs to see you be the best of you. The world needs to see more people living the charged life! 

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#RoleModel

Gratitude is appreciation that has finally struck the heart.

You begin with mindfulness to something beautiful or kind or fortunate.

It’s a child’s smile. The patience of your lover. A lucky opportunity. Some mercy you’ve been granted. A warm sun on your neck. How the Fall waves its wand turning the trees yellow and red.

You simply notice these things and reflect on them, and soon attention becomes appreciation. You are thankful.

You sense you are blessed. Or if that feels too self-concerned, that those things out there—your luck, your child, your lover, divine nature—those things are blessings one and all.

And they are. And you are.

But this is where most stop.

They notice a blessing, and they intellectually appreciate it.

But they go no deeper into the well of wonder.

They are too busy. The world is too full of tasks and obligations and distraction. So many other things to pay attention to, so many interests to scan next.

They notice much, feel little.

Yet the masters of this life slow time and brave greater feeling.

They let appreciation percolate.

They think about their blessings, wonder about them, talk about them, journal about them, demonstrate thanks and joy for them through prayer, tender conversations, acts of service.

They feel indebted to give as much as they are given and more.

Emotion springs forth. Tears flow. A desire to give thanks enlivens the troubled soul.

Spirit enters the room and suddenly appreciation flowers into the only emotion that makes life worthwhile: Gratitude.

And so let us ask,

“If I slowed down
and noticed the blessings all around,
would I be willing to allow
such divine gifts into my heart now?”

On this day of Thanksgiving, I notice, appreciate, and feel you.

Your hope, your strength, your drive to live a charged life, to grow, to share your truth, to serve, to struggle with patience and honor and courage, never giving up, always continuing on with light in your eye—this I see, this I know, this I love you for.

I thank God that I am alive, that I have you in my community, that you and my family and team have believed in me and shared this mission with such fire and soul.

I think of you often, and so I march on with a grateful heart,

- Brendon

brendon.com

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SUMMARY:

What happens when you feel apart and disconnected from others? What do you do when you feel enduring loneliness?

1. Get interested in others. Ask others questions and engage in their life. In being present with them, you’ll feel more connected and so will they - soon they’ll want to hang out more. Challenge yourself to reach out and bring your best self to social interactions. And no matter what, allow yourself to feel satisfied after each interaction, saying, “I did just fine. I tried and I’m getting better.”

2. Plus-one your interactions. Bring just one more person out with you, for lunch, to the movies, etc. Ask your friend to bring another friend. Ask the couple you’re going out with to bring one more couple. Enlarge your social sphere by adding just one person more and the odds increase that you’ll find someone to connect with.

3. Be more explicit about what you want, need, dream of. We feel lonely because we don’ think people understand - and they probably don’t because we haven’t authentically and consistently expressed ourselves and our real thoughts and dreams. Don’t hope people understand, help them understand.

4. Be honest with yourself and others. Why are you dissatisfied? If you don’t know the answer to that, get some help - a counselor or coach. Have real conversations with people about your feelings and needs.

The world doesn’t see a lonely person and say, “Let’s hang out.” It takes the lonely person to have the courage to say, “Here I am. I want to engage again." 

Challenge yourself to serve more, to share your voice. to connect, to be satisfied, to cheer yourself on even in the times of darkness.

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SUMMARY:

There’s always another level of balance and proficiency in managing your life. Here are five strategies to help you achieve it:

1. Decide why you need more balance and what it means to you. Why exactly do you want more balance in life? What exactly would that mean to you - can you describe in detail what it would be like and feel like? If you are unclear in these areas, it’s impossible to achieve more balance. Define what balance means to you and block and protect time in your life so you can achieve it. It’s not impossible. If you feel it is, then you have no chance. No goal, no growth, no balance.
   
   
2. Remove Distractions. Most people aren’t “out of balance,” they’re in distraction. Television, internet and social networks take away hours of their time, which adds to hours per week and years of life wasted. So, get rid of those things that aren’t adding real value, depth or joy to your life. Free the time that you spend on distractions and what you get in return is time for opportunities, joy and balance. Getting back just one hour per day - which is easy - can change you life forever.
   
   
3. Say no. Be real and stop saying yes to everything. Every yes tacks on time to your life’s agenda, always taking away from something else. If you lose hours of your life pleasing people or responding to people’s false emergencies, then your life quickly falls out of balance. Imagine that all your yeses to others are like handing out hours to people that you can never get back. Learn to say no and do not apologize for it. Tell people that you already have plans, priorities and responsibilities that were long ago planned, and that suddenly saying yes to their every request would be irresponsible to others.
   
   
4. Hit your mark. There is something called Bleed Time—the amount of time that piles up because you went over on allocated time. When you say you’re going to spend an hour on the phone with someone, but you spend 75 minutes—there’s 15 minutes of bleed time. The more often you go too long on your meetings, promises or conversations, the more you lose time. Set a time and stick to it. That’s integrity and discipline, and that’s how to get your life back.
   
   
5. Improve your health. If you want more balance in your life, then invest in your well-being. Sleep well and meditate so you can be more focused, efficient and effective during the day. If you feel more physically energized each day, you’ll have more power to stay focused, say no, and manage your time. 
   

Try all these things and suddenly a renewed sense of vitality will enter your days and you’ll start to experience The Charged Life.

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SUMMARY:

Here, I share 3 types of friends:

Old Friends, who you had a great connection with once but you no longer need to feel guilty about not hanging out with. You had your time together in a specific part of your life - honor it but let it go. Before you get all worked up about this, read the excerpt below.

Maintenance Friends, who you keep in touch with once or a few times per year just to “maintain” the connection. Set these folks up on reminders in your calendar but don’t feel so bad you don’t connect more.

Growth Friends, who you will continually deepen relationships with today and in the future - these are great friends you want more time and adventure with. Watch video or read below to learn to cultivate these friends more!

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More on Friendship:

[Below is an excerpt from my book The Charge: Activating the 10 Human Drives that Make You Feel Alive. Get it free here.]

Activator #3: Find and cultivate “Growth Friends”

People worldwide report that their family and intimate relationships are the primary source of their feelings of connection and love. The secondary source comes from our friendships, so it’s worthwhile to think how you can activate greater friendships in your life.

To my continual surprise, most people don’t have a real grasp on how vital their friendships are to their overall mental health and happiness. In study after study, researchers from a variety of disciplines continually find that the quality of our immediate friendship-based relationships is one of the most important factors in determining our overall stability, mood, ambition, emotional range, growth, and satisfaction in life.

In our friendships, it’s useful to heed this warning: Be careful whom you surround yourself with. while that counsel seems like kitchen-table wisdom, you’d be surprised by who most people invite to their tables of friendship. You’d also be surprised how many people barely invite anyone to their tables. The average American has only one or two close friends. That’s unfortunate, but it does give us a ready clue to how they can immediately increase their life satisfaction.

Let’s take a look at your own peer group. Answer the following questions:

1. How many close, real friends do you have? (You alone can define “close” and “real” for yourself.)

2. How often do you see them in person?

3. How often do you speak with them?

4. On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how well do these close friends really know you?

5. On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how much do these close friends consistently encourage you to chase your dreams?

6. On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how much do these close friends provide you with insight, information, and inspiration that challenge you to be a better person?

7. On a scale of one to five, with one being the lowest amount possible, how much fun do you have when you hang out with these close friends?

With these questions and your answers, you can clearly discover a lot about yourself and your immediate circle of friends. You can also gauge how supported, understood, connected, and enlivened you feel in your friendships. it’s hard to take on people’s friendships, but this is territory we must venture into together if we are to achieve a new level of living.

Without sugarcoating, here are the responses you’re going to need to live a fully Charged Life:

1. Four to twelve
2. You must see them, or at least one of them, in person every month.
3. You must speak to them, preferably several of them, every week or two at a minimum.

If my suggestions here sound unattainable to you, as your coach, i must be blunt: your life is in very serious need of rethinking.

As a society, many of us spend more time picking the style and thread count of bedsheets we’ll use in our homes than picking our friends. By default, then, we have family, friends, coworkers, and peers who are thrust into our lives. we cannot always choose these people. But we can choose two things: how much time we give them, and how much energy we expend seeking to expand the circle and quality of such relationships.

The old adage is true: You can’t choose family, but you can choose friends. Now it’s time to take that to heart. strategically make the choice today to start surrounding yourself with remarkable friends who help lift your life to the level of energy and potential you know it has.

To help you do this, I’m going to ask you to make some tough choices about whom to spend your time with from now on. i’ll warn you in advance, doing so won’t be comfortable.

Let’s face it: there may be a few friends in your life who aren’t adding to the quality and desired direction in your life. it sounds like a horribly judgmental and selfish thing to say, I know. And while it seems to counter what i’ve said about connecting with others—that we must accept them and see them for the positive gifts they are— the truth is, we can develop deep relationships with only so many people in our lives. if that’s true, we have to face the fact that we’re better off spending our time with some people than with others. All those people we might be in a habit of calling or connecting with might not really be contributing to our life experiences and happiness. There are battery chargers and there are battery drainers, and there are those with no charge whatever—the “neutrals.” To live a fully Charged Life, we’ve got to get real about who those people are.

At High Performance Academy, one of my most controversial strategies is helping people do just that: get real about the people in their lives. specifically, i have people focus on categorizing their friendships and finding which friends in life they’re going to develop deeper relationships with. in doing so, people are forced to select those they will no longer spend as much time with.

That’s why the activity meets with so much indecision and resistance. But after it’s over, people continually share with me that it ends up being one of the most powerful strategies they put into their lives to feel more alive and connected. Because of those results, i’m sharing the strategy here with you, even if it brings temporary discomfort.

Let’s begin. in your journal or on a piece of paper, please write down the names of all the friends you’ve had in life, one name per line. This includes elementary school friends and those from high school, college, work, sports, and your hobbies.

Next, write a short description of (a) what about them made you choose them and like them as friends, and (b) why you are still, or are no longer, friends with them.

Inevitably, this exercise brings to mind many old friends we’ve forgotten about or fallen out of touch with. That’s okay. Part of the benefit of this activity may be to reengage with some old friends.

Now that you’ve got your list of friends, it’s time to categorize them into one of three buckets: old friends, maintenance friends, and growth friends.

Those in the first bucket, old friends, are just that: dated, stale. These are people who were once your friends in the past, whom you no longer wish to keep in contact with. importantly, though, you may decide to lump some of your current friends into this bucket. I say this because i imagine there are some friends in your current life whom you don’t really want to hang out with anymore and whom you don’t see having starring roles in your future. hard though it may be, at some point we must decide whom we keep on the stage of friendship in our lives. From now on, anyone you mark as “old friends” will be left where they belong, in the past. These will be people you appreciate in your mind and memories forever, but they simply won’t play important roles in your future. The second bucket is called “maintenance friends,” because these are the relationships you will now maintain for the rest of your life. 

Maintenance friends are those you’ve appreciated having in your life and still want to keep up with from time to time. These are the people to whom you still send holiday or birthday cards, letters, or emails a few times a year. Perhaps you call them randomly a few times a year just to “see how it’s going.” Please mark “maintenance friends” next to those who fit this description.

For far too many of us, maintenance friends become mental drags in our lives because every time we think of them, we say to ourselves, Gosh, I should really keep in better contact with this person. But let’s be honest—if you aren’t keeping in more regular contact with these folks, it’s because (a) you really don’t feel that close to them, (b) you simply don’t see them adding that much joy to your life, © you don’t see them in your future, or (d) you keep blaming not having enough time as the problem, when the real culprit is you just don’t highly prioritize these folks. if that’s true, it’s time to make the difficult decision once and for all to designate them as maintenance friends and be okay with just contacting them a few times a year to stay in touch. i view maintenance friends not as “bad friends” but simply as friends i’d like to say hello to now and then and see how they’re doing. I will always keep up with them, but I won’t focus on creating deeper levels of contact and friendship with them. 

So … from today forward, no more guilt about maintenance friends. keep in your mental file that they are maintenance friends, and take joy in the few times you contact them, like during birthdays and holidays.

This is not an exorcism or an excommunication. offending, brushing off, or dumping old friends and maintenance friends because they don’t meet some new criteria is not the message here. Many self-help authors make all-too-casual suggestions for you to ditch any negative people in your life, treating them as if they were of no more consequence than a side salad you didn’t order. To gain new things in life, you don’t have to burn bridges with the old, no matter how easy and convenient it might be.

Personally, I feel that too many people take their friends for granted, forget who their friends are, or never give enough of them- selves to their friendship circles to receive anything back. So by no means am I telling you to destroy any relationships you’ve built. The universe has likely placed each of your current friends in your path for reasons known or unknown to you. honor that and honor them, no matter what direction you decide to go in the future.

With all my clients, my first point of advice isn’t to dump their friends; it’s first to try to raise them up. I suggest you reengage your close friends and, by sharing your vision for a bigger future and by sheer role modeling and enthusiasm, you be the catalyst that raises the standards and quality of your friendships. remember, there are two things that change your life: either something new comes into your life, or something new comes out of you.

Before pushing old friends away, I encourage you to sit down with your friends and authentically and excitedly share—perhaps for the first time ever—your true thoughts, feelings, and ambitions in life and for your immediate and distant future. Friendships are really only built by sharing such things and by reliving stories and creating new stories together.

That said, I do understand that this effort will fail with some of your current friends. The tough call afterward is that for your future quality of life there will be people to whom you will need to limit your duration and frequency of exposure. The sad truth is, the world is full of bitter, complaining, finger-pointing energy vampires who suck all the joy and ambition out of life. Give them a shot at coming into the light, but if they won’t, steer as clear of them as you can.

Here’s the best strategy in this case: if you’re not getting the quality of friendship you need from one peer group, go build a new one and focus more of your time, energy, and sharing there. From now on, be on the lookout for remarkable people whose path the universe has allowed to intersect with yours. Notice them. Ask them to lunch. Keep in touch. Introduce them to other remarkable people. Have them share real thoughts, feelings, and ambitions in life. Get them together often for new adventures and experiences. This is the path to cultivating real relationships that keep your life engaging and satisfying.

Alas, the focal point of your life should now turn toward finding and cultivating what i call “growth friends.” As labeled, these are the people you are actively going to engage with, grow with, and energize your life with. To me, growth friends are those you talk to at least once a month, if not more. They’re the ones you go out with on the weekends or on big new adventures: trips to new cities or coun tries, weekend getaways. Growth friends are supremely important to your mental health and spiritual energy in life. These are the people who become your clƒosest confidants, your partners in adventure, the godparents of your children.

My goal for your growth-friend category is to get it up to a minimum of ten. obviously, friendships are about quality, not quantity, yet having more growth friends will add the increased novelty and connection needed to amp up your life. Many people tell me they already have ten close friends, but when i ask the following questions they realize they don’t:

• is this a friend you’re excited to speak with every week or every month?
  
• is this a friend you see being an important part of your exciting future?
  
• is this a friend who would drop everything to come support you in crisis?
  
• is this a friend you would drop everything for to support in crisis?
  
• is this a friend you are excited to have know your family and friends now and in the future?
  
• is this a friend who exposes you to new ideas and adventures?
  
• is this a friend who is good for your long-term health?
  
• is this a friend who makes you laugh a lot?
  
• is this a friend who cares about your emotions, well-
  
• being, and happiness?
  
• is this a friend you can trust, no matter what, with anything?
  
• is this a friend who introduces you to other quality people?
  

Positive answers to all these questions indicate that you have a growth friend.

If you think having ten growth friends is too many or too hard, I sympathize. But you’re blessed to walk the planet for, on average, sixty to eighty years. You can’t create just ten deep, lasting, energizing friendships? What else in life is it you’re so focused on creating?

Having a group of at least ten awesome friends should be in the top five goals of every human being. The zest, energy, and connection that comes with having great friends is incalculable and indescribable. every happy person i’ve ever met had deep connections with multiple friends. If you’re not already there, the time to begin is now. Fun, fulfilling friendships amplify your life energy—they’re one of the greatest ingredients to a fully Charged Life.

One last thought. The way to cultivate growth friends is to be one. role-model the types of relationships you want in life. You want love? Then be a supremely loving human being and you will find and feel love. You want real friendship? Be a passionately interested friend who brings novelty, joy, caring, adventure, and closeness to others.

As with all the things we desire in life, I believe we can have them. It simply takes focus and consistent effort. You deserve to have deep, caring, fully engaged relationships with those around you.

- Excerpted from The Charge by Brendon Burchard

Like this? Please share it with your growth friends! - Brendon

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SUMMARY:

Successful people are creative and consistent in how they express themselves. They are happier because they pursue things they are truly passionate about, seeking their goals in their own unique way without conforming or trying to be “appropriate.”

Ask yourself these four types questions:

Creativity in Conversation: Am I truly being myself when I’m in conversations? Do I share my true thoughts, feelings, frustrations, dreams? Do I feel like the best of me when communicating with others? If not, how can I open myself up?

Space Creativity: Is where I live a reflection of who I really am? Have I designed or decorated my workspace to be uniquely my own? Could someone get a feel of who I am based on my space?

Creativity in Contributions: How creative was the last presentation or contribution I created or shared? You can’t blame your boss or timelines for stealing your creativity. You need to have the will to create unique things. If you’re being rejected for who you truly are or for the contributions you find creative and valuable, then that’s just an indication you’re in the wrong place or community. Don’t risk silencing yourself simply to end up a cog. Bring your divine spark, your uniqueness and spirit, to your work.

Creativity in Legacy: Have I started working toward what will be my unique contributions to the world? Pursue your goals and dreams in your own way - it is your voice, contributions and relationships that will ultimately tell the world who you were. Be creative in leaving your legacy - that’s how you feel fulfilled and experience The Charged Life!

Get this episode as a mp3/podcast free on iTunes.
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Like this? Please share it with your friends so that your loved ones can start living fully creative and contributing lives! - Brendon

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SUMMARY:

How do you develop extraordinary people skills? Try a strategy called “Positive Projection,” which is about mindfully exuding positive energy toward others. Here’s how:

1. Honor Others’ Struggle. There is probably an area of your life where you are struggling, right? And you feel the people around you don’t understand, right? People around you don’t know how hard you work and how much you have to deal with. Well, that feeling is exactly the feeling other people have, all the time! It is the same for everyone else. But we forget that. We don’t see how much others struggle, which is why we forget to be kind and patient. If you want to be extraordinary with people, you have to honor their struggle. Keep in mind everyone is dealing with difficulty and you will be a more compassionate and supportive person, which is the kind of person everyone wants to be around.

2. Take Enthusiastic Interest. To practice positive projection, you must become fascinated with others. You demonstrate this by taking active and enthusiastic interest; you ask about their interests, desires, fears, and dreams. When you know others’ values and passions, it’s easier to be positive with them. When you know and champion others, you yourself become fascinating and interesting.

3. Don’t Mirror Bad Energy. The mirror neurons in our brain make us want to mimic other people’s feelings and behaviors. That’s why you mirror the sadness or joy that you see in others. If you pick up on the overall energy of the masses, though, you will find that it is a dissipated and disgruntled energy, which in turn can make you feel stressed, judgmental and negative. Emotions and energy is contagious. Instead of being a reflection of the world around your, be someone who is willing the energy you want. Choose to generate positivity and give that gift to the world.

4. Send Well Wishes. When I pass by others, I often look at them and in my mind say, “I wish you joy, abundance, health and love.” They might not know what’s on my mind, but they can literally feel good intent coming from me and a positive aura being directed to them. Try it. Just send positive thoughts and well wishes to others. They will feel great around you. They will want to be near you because you are that person who spreads joy and love. They’ll feel your positive charge and, soon, you’ll start to experience what we call The Charged Life!

Get this episode as a mp3/podcast free on iTunes.
Get free motivation and high performance training from Brendon here.

Like this? Please share it with your friends so that your loved ones can start sharing good mojo with others too! - Brendon

Join my 3.5MM fans on Facebook at FB.Brendon.com or watch my show at TV.Brendon.com.

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SUMMARY:

What does your calendar reveal about you? If I looked at your schedule next month, is it readily apparent what activities and goals you’ve created to further develop yourself? 

You calendar can change your life… if you’ll use those 12 months as a strategic plan for becoming the best you can be. Every month, try setting four kinds of goals:

1. Skill development. What skills do you want to develop this month? Have you put those skills in your calendar with specific goals and milestones? What level of mastery are you at now, and what level do you want to be at next month and the month after? 

2. Health. Have you ever decided this will be the best year of health you’ve ever had? What are your fitness goals? Is that in your calendar, planned strategically? Do you have goals for how you’ll eat better, work out better, care better for your overall well-being? Put those in the calendar.

3. Fun & Relationships. What level of fun do you want to experience this year? Have you planned adventures and escapes? Have you scheduled time off or dedicated time to work on passion projects? Too many people forget to actually schedule downtime and fun time. Be sure to include your relationships in this one - how can you bring more joy to your relationships next month?

4. Monthly Challenges. Have you set goals for personal virtue development each month? Maybe next month is a total 30-day challenge to become a more patient? The next month is about confidence, and so on.

Your calendar reveals it all: How is next month going to continue to grow your joy, strengths, skills, passions, consciousness? If the answers are not already in your schedule then you’re not living as proactively as you could. Learn to use the calendar as your ally and soon you’ll be living what we call The Charged Life!

Get this episode as a podcast free on iTunes.
Get motivation and high performance training from Brendon here.

Like this? Please share it with your friends so that your loved ones can start scheduling their best life too. - Brendon